Apollo

There was the whisper of a man
floating in on the sweet crispness of the
lost summer charging into brilliant autumn.
Laughter and roses brought him to my sight.
Behold, Apollo, the golden glory,
the hope for a shriveled womb.
Light touches and genuine affection witnessed by a mountain moon, but then,
gold-tinted glasses broken with technology.
His mane is not as lustrous. Or so I think.
His height not as impressive. Or so I wish.
Laughter not as joyful. Or so I hope.
Smile not beholden to the glory of light and creation, for the butterflies, in their whirlwind of longing,
batter their frail bodies
on my rib cage and collapse in a river
of unshed tears.
I smile, in my confusion, and toast
to his happiness.
I convince myself I am not broken.
I am not longing
for the feel of his skin on mine.
His breath on my hair.
His taste on my lips.
He was a whisper,
fleeing on the wind, back to
Mt. Olympus, to his goddess,
and I, the human moment,
a friend.

Deep Sigh

I've done this to myself. I've broken my own heart. I let myself hope and believe that it was mutual. That in all our flirting, he had feelings too. But, alas, I listened to what others had to say, convinced myself that "domestic partnership" was just a joke, let the texts and flirting and jokes be something of feelings on his side but, no. He really is dating his friend, the friend he told me about. So I admit that I have feelings, and I'm broken. I'm broken on a level I forgot I had or even knew that I had. But unrequited love will do that, every time, won't it? I pine, I perish, and I find myself to sensical to wax poetry about broken hearts and unclaimed loves. So I do what I do best and run as fast as my chickeness will take me.

Mermaid Tail!!

I just purchased a new camera. A beautiful Nikon D5100. And I discovered that you can get water gear for it. You should know what went through my mind. There are photographers whose entire careers are strictly mer images. It's a very specific skill sect which few have taken the time to acquire. You have to be SCUBA certified, knowledgeable about dive equipment, understand the water/currents you'll be working in, a strong swimmer, CPR certified, and all manner of other things I'm sure I haven't thought of in my ponderings. But this is me. This is smashing of my loves: mermaids, water, photography, art, imagination. So, lovely Dana in all her acting and faerie glory immediately popped into my head (she is a red-head after all). I told her my idea (didn't really give her much of a choice in the matter), and she wholeheartedly agreed. And so my lovely faerie friend will be my first mer-model. Therefore, in addition to having to get the water gear, I have to make Dana a fin (and will also be making myself one), and found this completely awesome How-To video by  Sasha the Fire Gypsy via the lovely Carolyn Turgeon's mermaid blog. Life is just glorious!!

Go swim!!

Now to find a monofin...

Moving on and Growing up

Through the years, I have not been the best to listen to what God is actually saying. I hear what I think He is saying and then swim full force into the coral reef,battering myself against it till I'm angry and exhausted. Slowly, I'm starting to listen better, figure out faster that what He is saying is not exactly what I heard, and calm down before the water is bloody and the sharks are hovering. Life has been so great lately that when my latest upset happened I don't think I even really had been ramming the reef that long before I figured out that it wasn't working.

So I'm looking for a place to live. And I'm looking for a roommate. The roommate I thought I had lined up wasn't as certain as I was about moving out and rooming, so instead of waiting for three years like I did for my last supposed to be roommate, I'm moving on. I need out so pray that God sends me a roommate.

Colors of Healing

I lay down to sleep tonight covered in Lamp Black, Prussian Blue, Lemon Yellow, Burnt Umber, & Titanium White. I have painted. Did I paint what I needed to paint? No. But I painted. And that means I'm working through the ball of emotional mess. Or trying to start. It means I can start to heal. It means that the art can start to flow. It means that everything I've started to give up I can get back. I can read. I can write. I can paint. I can photograph. I can lay under the trees and watch thhe clouds. I can remember what my soul enjoys. I can visit Kalea again. I can open myself up to a relationship again. Well maybe not quite that.

Good night world. Dream of fairies in the trees and mermaids in the waves.

Friends

As I find myself in uncharted waters, I'm beginning to notice the strength that others see in me. They don't have standards and expectations for me. They just know I'll do it. They know I will swim against the current when I need to and go with the flow when I must. They don't just have faith in me, they have knowledge in me. And I'm currently finding that I need their strength, their knowledge that I will beat my fears, their love and support. I am a mer on land, and I am walking a new path.

You know how when your life is just going along so swimmingly that you just keep waiting for the current to snag you and toss you about until you're gasping and trying to make it back up for air? I'm there. I'm waiting. And it just keeps getting better! No current! No gasping! Promotion. Raise. Quit my scrapbook job, so I'll only be working 40 hrs a week. I get to paint again. Friends asked me to be the photographer for their wedding. Friend asked me to illustrate her books. Looking at moving. Life is just peachy!!